Why Sometimes Being Alone Is the Best Thing That Can Happen to You

Even if it feels terrifying

Image from Pixabay

There are days I feel terrified of being alone.

That was me at the beginning of this year, when suddenly the comfort of being in a 12-year relationship was taken away.

I was surrounded by strangers, in a land far from family and friends.

This was all new to me, and I knew I had no choice but to adapt.

It’s one of those moments in life when a challenge shows up in your life, and what you do next will shape who you will be in the future.

Being alone is stepping out of your comfort zone

Recently, I read Kieran Drew’s experience of solo travelling and living the nomadic life.

One of the things he mentions is that when you are out there in the world by yourself, you have to get out of your comfort zone if you want to have a minimum of social interaction.

And that’s what Kieran did. He would get out of the comfort hobbies, like writing, reading, and walking, and would get to do 2–3 things per week to meet new people.

This experience got tiring fast and distracting from his goals to build his business, especially if it involved hanging out at the bars at midnight.

Of course, this will mess you up the next day because you wake up groggy and too tired to work on anything for the rest of the day.

When you embrace being alone

It’s been 6 months now.

Being alone feels kind of normal. It’s what it is, and I accept it. I embrace it.

And to be honest with you, it feels good.

I do miss the social interaction, and for that, I spend most of the weekend outside of home following my usual routine around the streets and coffee shops of Cambridge.

I met random people who sometimes approach me with the weirdest and random things that most often make me smile.

I guess we all have our own way to get a conversation with someone.

It’s funny, though, I should be the one to engage in conversation, but it is often people approaching me when I sit down next to them.

Maybe it’s their curiosity watching me in a trench coat, brownish scarf around my neck, and carrying a small backpack with books, notebooks, and my iPad. I got to the table and I laid everything down on the coffee table.

I get comments like ‘you look like a pilot’, or ‘you also write in notebooks?!’ – it’s awesome how people react from seeing something unusual nowadays that was so common some decades ago.

For a brief 15 minutes, I talk with the person and get my dose of social interaction for the day.

Which leaves me to the second problem of being alone, according to Kieran – relationships don’t compound.

I get it, for some, it might be a waste of time if you don’t plan to meet them again. They would rather remain glued to their screens with their online friends, who they rarely get together in real life, scrolling and watching each other’s ‘amazing’ lives.

I used to travel a lot for work.

I see these interactions with the same eyes as when I travel to other countries for work. I get to know them, maybe exchange numbers if we want to keep in touch, and from there, anything goes.

No expectations, and things can quickly fade if we get busy with our own lives.

That’s just how life and relationships are.

I learned that people who are meant to have a bigger impact on your life will stay, and some will fade and be forgotten as fast as they appeared.

It’s just part of life. It doesn’t mean that even the smallest interactions can have the most profound lessons in your life.

Maybe that person gave you the exact words you wanted to hear that day, and cheered you up. Maybe they touched something deep inside you that you were dealing with for so long, and this person gave you the insight you needed to finally break free.

These interactions are not random, they have a purpose, so welcome them with open arms and an open heart.

When you meet people, be kind and grateful to those who bump into your life without expecting anything back.

How ‘others’ see being alone

Being lonely sounds horrible, and society thinks there’s something wrong with you.

Nothing is wrong, being alone is different than being lonely.

Lonely is a feeling. Being alone is a condition. I’ve chosen to be alone. In this case, life made that choice for me, and I accepted it.

And let me tell you, this is the first time I feel comfortable in my skin.

Because in the end, if I can’t be comfortable with myself, how can I expect others to be?

We despair the thought of being alone, but to be honest, it’s one of the things every person should walk through once in their lifetime.

It gives you the time to know you better and in consequently, to love yourself more.

For that, I feel grateful because I learned to love myself for who I am.

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Thank you. See you at the next one!

Mario Da Silva