When Life Falls Apart
And all what remains is the present moment
At the end of 2024, the life I was so familiar with crumbled before my eyes.
I was living a life that felt like a hellish game of whack-a-mole. I was diving deep into never-ending chores and ‘to-do lists’.
I kept wanting to do more, because more was never enough. I was so insecure about myself, and I always compared myself to others.
I was never satisfied with myself, my work, or my life.
I end up sacrificing everything for more. I was always stressed and worried.
To the point I was blind, not seeing everything else around me crumbling.
I was sunk into the desire to be in control and to dictate the process of everything in my life.
I was striving to have all these external validations, reassurances, and possessions, so I could feel better about myself.
My vulnerable and insecure Ego tricked me.
You see, our Ego is never at ease and fears the future.
The increasing anxiety when you think about the future and what could go wrong.
Those thoughts about an imaginable future take over. Fear creeps in and transforms into worry, anxiety, nervousness, tension, dread, and so on.
We all live in the present. At this precise moment. But our egoic minds are traveling to a distant future if not clinging to the past.
Thinking about a future that would never come creates an anxiety gap.
The more you let your Ego take over, the more you lose touch with the present.
The more you disconnect from now, the more anxiety you’ll experience. And that anxiety won’t go away; it only grows bigger as you keep feeding it.
We can cope with the present moment, but we can’t cope with something that will happen in the future.
I let my Ego take over my life.
So I end up always feeling incomplete. Like something was missing in my life.
I was unaware.
And being unaware, I was craving, wanting, and needing.
I was after possessions, money, success, and recognition — so I could feel better about myself.
I was trying to fill a hole that could never be filled.
My Ego was running the show, and I could never be at ease. I couldn’t be at peace or fulfilled.
Maybe only in brief moments when I was getting that promotion, that bonus, or the validation that I wanted.
But I was deluded. I was in trouble and I realized the hole is bottomless.
After my life crumbled in front of me, I started living more in the present.
Maybe because the past is too hurtful to look back on, and the future no longer interests me.
This might be the best way I've found to enjoy simpler things in life. Things you can only notice when you are present at the moment, not thinking of the future or longing for the past.
I look at the present because I found out it is in the present I can build a better future.
A life I always wanted.
Thank you. See you at the next one!
I hope you're good my friend.